Which Is Better? The Internet or a Beautiful Summer's Day?
"I can't go outside, there's more cat videos to watch on YouTube Shorts."
An investigation into finalizing an individual's personal choice between a world-wide computer network or getting one's lazy butt away from the computer and "For Realsies" going outside.
1. Summer's Day: Around for one season.
Internet: Around all year long.
Winner: The Internet.
2. Summer's Day: Lots of attractive people wearing next to nothing.
Internet: Lots of attractive people wearing nothing.
Winner: The Internet.
3. Summer's Day: You get a sunburn and harm your skin from solar rays whenever you go outside.
Internet: Your skin is protected from ultraviolet radiation by your parent's basement ceiling.
Winner: The Internet.
4. Summer's Day: Traditional summer camp counselors scream at you to hike, swim, climb mountains, etc.
Internet: Computer camp counselors calmly teach you how to download pirated movies, hack into your sister's blog, "find" credit card numbers, etc.
Winner: The Internet.
5. Summer's Day: Outdoor summer jobs such as landscaping, mowing lawns, and painting houses require a great deal of physical exertion.
Internet: Your indoor job of selling virtual items in online multiplayer games for real hard cash requires little or no physical exertion (beyond getting more Frito's from the kitchen).
Winner: The Internet.
6. Summer's Day: Eating food outdoors attracts annoying insects such as ants, bees, and mosquitoes.
Internet: Eating food indoors attracts the attention of your cat "Larry", who merely stares at the burrito going into your mouth.
Uhhh... I think you really need to feed Larry.
Winner: The Internet.
7. Summer's Day: A lot of people drown at the beach.
Internet: Very few people drown in their gaming chair.
Winner: The Internet.
8. Summer's Day: A lot of people are eaten by sharks at the beach.
Internet: Very few people are eaten by sharks in their bathtubs.
Winner: The Internet.
9. Summer's Day: The flowers in bloom smell nice.
Internet: The pizza you order after nine uninterrupted hours of playing "Counter-Strike" online smells so much nicer.
Winner: The Internet.
10. Summer's Day: No school during the summer months.
Internet: You post your homework on Medium.com for other people to complete via the "comments" section. You've done this since Grade 3.
Winner: The Internet.
11. Summer's Day: Having an outdoor BBQ is fun.
Internet: Your computer has never emitted a thirty foot pillar of flame due to an impatient Uncle Walter and excess "BBQ starter" lighting fluid.
Being a GenX Slacker, the above picture is a sweet childhood memory I cherish dearly.
Winner: The Internet.
12. Summer's Day: You get some quiet time by sending the kids to a two-week summer camp.
Internet: You get some quiet time when your kids get addicted to Grand Theft Auto V for seven months.
Winner: The Internet.
13. Summer's Day: You look cool paddling a canoe.
Internet: You look cooler getting WiFi on your laptop in a canoe.
Winner: The Internet.
14. Summer's Day: Roasting marshmallows over an open campfire is fun.
Internet: Flaming strangers in chatrooms by insulting their mothers is more fun.
Winner: The Internet.
15. Summer's Day: Throwing a Frisbee or football is an activity most people enjoy.
Internet: Throwing a temper tantrum in a Discord server is an activity everyone enjoys.
Winner: The Internet.
16. Summer's Day: When summer ends, winter arrives.
Internet: When your Internet access crashes, Life as you know it ends.
Winner: .....still the The Internet.
"The Horror... The... Horror..."